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Rescued from Norway

You may have read in the news that the Norwegians recently attempted to trap me by paying the Icelanders to burn parts of their country in order to spread a cloud of airborne debris across Europe, thus closing all the airports. It took me a while to get to the bottom of it, but eventually I worked out that the main aim was to keep me in Norway and prevent me from travelling back to Britain. The love they have for me is deep, true and lingering, but it is sometimes expressed in typically obsessive Scandinavian style.

My brilliant assistant Garry managed to foil this cunning plot by hiring a crack team of taxi drivers to drive me to Belgium. To keep us entertained, we took with us a a jazz quartet, and together we travelled in a vintage 1961 Bedford Coach which included a sauna and sushi bar. From Brussels I was able to catch a train through the Eurotunnel, and was thus returned to the welcoming bosom of my servants. I thanked them for their efforts with my traditional gifts of brown cheese and rotting fish.

So the Norwegians relented, but before they allowed me to leave Norway, they demanded that I make an appearance on the TV programme Skavlan. At least, I think Skavlan is the name of the programme, it could equally be the name of the channel, a day of the week or yet another Elk-based dish.

The bit with me in it starts at about 37 minutes and is conducted in English. For those of you who are in the 99.99% of people who don’t understand the Norwegian language and who might panic when they try to read the subtitles, no those are not Ikea instructions. Ikea is a Swedish company.

Update: several kind people have pointed out that the subtitles are Swedish, and that they are in fact a guide to furniture assembly.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, April 18th, 2010 at 6:39 pm and is filed under blog, television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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13 Responses to “Rescued from Norway”

  1. Marianne says:

    My vision of your return home was contained here:

    Glad you made it back OK! :D

  2. Paula_Python says:

    The trip was longer than the interview. You must answer him in other languaje. Not norwegian not english, just for the reactions.
    If you some day travel to the bottom of world (AKA Argentina) we speaking in russian or scotish.

    Real message: i saw the interview and can´t words for describe your person. I need many words. And a dictionary. And a good traslater.
    Big Hug

  3. Paula_Python says:

    Ah, the translater in your interview remember me “The Funniest Joke In The World” isn´t?

  4. Mrs. Shnookie says:

    I’m so glad you foiled their nefarious schemes. You never know about those bloody Norwegians.

  5. Rhiannon says:

    Well, they did not do a very good job lighting their country on fire. Bloody thing is smoking terribly. Must have used damp fuel…

  6. woolhead says:

    By the way, the subtitles in the linked video are in Swedish, not Norwegian. Swedish is a completely different language that has got nothing at all to do with Norwegian, except perhaps by 90% of words being almost but not quite identical.

  7. Lozzykinz says:

    Bloody hell! You’ve updated! First time in ages! I only clicked on here because i was bored, didnt expect to see anything new! :)

    Anyway, it’s good to have you home in one piece!

  8. mrsthing says:

    I haven’t seen the interview yet. But I’m glad you were able to get home, and in such style! Very cool-looking bus. I had pictured you cramped in a taxi-cab for 931 miles. I’ve got a high-school aged friend who’s still stuck in Italy. Her mom is worried, but I bet she’s having the time of her life. The hotel is putting her up for the duration.

  9. wizzardprang says:

    Loved the interview. Glad you made it back to the UK and the tour can go on!

  10. AmandaSo says:

    Trapped. In the hell hole that is Oslo, Norway. The horror. Thank God you survived. Here. Have a lemur.

  11. ComoKate says:

    Ouch! You poor thing; hope , at least, the journey home was a positive adventure! :-)

  12. droabs says:

    Hey Cleese!

    Is it possible for you to call a friend of me to say happy birthday tomorrow? He is a norwegian viking and a big fan of your tall person. Please send me a mail at and I will send you his number. I guess you have nothing else to do this days, so you should be very lucky to get this appointment.

  13. kjellhugo says:

    Enjoyed seeing you on the Skavlan show, welcome back any time! For anyone who prefers Norwegian subtitles (10% different from Swedish!), look here:

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